Drupal - Kara DioGuardi

Kara DioGuardi Eats Other People's Food in Her Sleep

thefunnystone — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 00:34:22 +0000

Now that Paula Abdul is off of Idol, she's letting the fur fly by ragging on her ex-roommate Kara DioGuardi. Paula discovered Kara (thanks a lot...) and let Kara live with her. But she wasn't happy when she found out that Kara walks to the fridge and eats all of the food in her sleep. Paula had some funny things to say:

"I'd wake up in the morning and I thought ‘did my dog do this?’ There was food on the ground. ‘What the heck?’ I thought. But she would have no recollection that she did it."

And it seemed this was quite a topic of conversation among their friendship circle.

"The proof is in the pudding, one of her best friends said ‘oh you think you had it bad? She ate mine and my husband’s first anniversary wedding cake... in her sleep.’ So I didn’t feel so bad," Abdul continued.

How shocking. Kara has always been doing annoying things. If anyone has video of Kara sleep-eating, we'll pay for it.

Kara DioGuardi To Guest Star on Hannah Montana

thefunnystone — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 03:19:14 +0000

Well, at least all of the untalented people will be in one place at one time on Tuesday, October 18. Anyone got a giant anvil to drop? (Via Daemon's TV)

Kara DioGuardi Shops Around a Stupid Idea for a Reality Show

thefunnystone — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 01:39:04 +0000

Kara DioGuardi tells Vulture at New York Magazine that she is shopping around a new reality show called Dropped where has-beens get a second chance to become famous. She explains the show:

You look at Katy Perry, the Jonas Brothers, Alicia Keys, and Lady Gaga, they all have one thing in common: They've all been dropped from their labels ... I was dropped.

Kara, you just ruined your point. You never should have been famous to begin with. And your idea stinks. It has already been done and it was called American Idol season 7. We wonder if Carly Smithson will get a 6th chance on this show, as it's tailor made for her. No one has failed as much as her.

Kara DioGuardi's Version of "No Boundaries"

thefunnystone — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 20:41:00 +0000

Looking for attention, Kara DioGuardi sings a version of her own crappy song, No Boundaries. Is she really that oblivious about the suckiness of the song that she thinks this will help people like her in any way at all? (Source: MJ's Big Blog)

Well, So Much For a Comeback...

thefunnystone — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 00:38:12 +0000

With all of the Paula Abdul pity in the air, someone had to kick her when she was down. Media IQ issued a study that said that Paula Abdul is the American Idol judge that most people fast forward through while watching their Tivo. This study is bullshit though, as they say that Randy is the most popular.

Let us explain what actually happens: People start watching Randy and forget they have to listen to the judges. So as he begins to talk, they hit fast forward, but it takes a few seconds because their brains are momentarily frozen while trying to comprehend the nonsensical comments from Randy. After fast forwarding, the viewers then hit Play when Simon comes back on, realizing that the judge comments are almost over.

Kara DioGuardi Will Be Back to Judge American Idol 9... She Sure Loves Punishment

thefunnystone — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 01:19:07 +0000

In a classic case of not knowing when to give up and save yourself the embarrassment, Kara DioGuardi has signed on to come back and judge season 9 of American Idol. Well, this oughta make America hate her even more. Maybe she'll actually learn to speak and read before the next season and not try to rely on her outdated looks and catch phrases about wanting to hump the contestants. Nah.

This just leaves Crybaby Abdul's contract up in the air. She has until a week from today to continue to pretend that she hasn't been signed yet for publicity before the taped auditions begin in December.

2009 Whatevia Award Winners

thefunnystone — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 03:02:48 +0000

You voted, we counted. Here's the winners of the 2009 Whatevia Awards. (For the original nominees, click here).

1. Favorite Female VFTW Peformance: Megan Joy - Rockin Robin

2. Favorite Male VFTW Performance: Nick Mitchell as Normund Gentle - And I Am Telling You

Listen Up, Judges. Shut the Fuck Up

thefunnystone — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 02:17:48 +0000

That's enough. After even more articles from Paula Abdul in the news saying that she won't be back on American Idol due to contract negotiations stalling, enough is enough. When will the press learn that the judges are told to keep telling everyone that they won't be back or have to negotiate contracts so that people keep reporting on Idol all year long? Since nothing is going on, Paula has to run her yapper about how there's a possibility she won't be back. This comes after months of Kara, Simon, and Randy doing the same thing. Who cares? Listen up, judges. You have a sweet gig sitting on a chair, killing brain cells, and saying the same 10 sentences with different variations thrown in every week. Stop bitching. We all know your "I won't be back" lines are bullshit. And even if you don't come back because you're actually telling the truth for once, no one will miss you. American Idol has devolved into the worst karaoke competition money can buy, and the judging has become a parody of itself. Any moron with a cocaine habit can do the same thing you do.

So forgive us if we don't have pity for you. Receiving millions of dollars to say "that was pitchy, dawg" or to fall over in a drug-addled mess after being drawn on with crayons is beyond what people in bad economy can have sympathy for. No one wants to hear you say anything else, because no one sees you as anything but has-been personalities that are good to make fun of. So for God's sake, give it up already.

"No Boundaries" Sucks So Much, It's Been Kicked Off the Tour

againstallodds — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 14:10:20 +0000

Kara DioGuardi's masterpiece of crap "No Boundaries" was such an embarrassment that it was funny to see Kris Allen and Adam Lambert have to pretend to like the song during this year's Idol finale. Well people must have booed the song on tour, because now it's been completely removed according to the New York Post. Now Kris Allen is singing the Killers' "All These Things That I've Done" (above) instead. At least Kara's lame song will be taken out back and finally put out of its misery. RIP "No Boundaries", the worst Idol winner's song ever.

Kara DioGuardi Gets Married

thefunnystone — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 03:53:32 +0000

Apparently someone wants to put up with her. Poor sap. Kara DioGuardi married Mike McCuddy on Sunday, and apparently inTouch Weekly wanted to be there and take pictures. Or the other important weddings that day sold exclusive rights to US Weekly so they got screwed. Kara told the magazine, "It's been raining in Maine for 60 days. The only day that was nice was [the day of the wedding]!" So a plague of rain for 60 days before Kara gets married and she still doesn't see it as a sign? We give it a week before Mike realizes he can do better (and we don't even know Mike... but he can clearly do better).