Kimberly Caldwell
Carly Smithson Demoted to Butt Cleaner
So while we still haven't brought you a single update about Carly Smithson's career post-Idol (because there hasn't been one since no one wants her to make music), we do have an update from TMZ that is pretty funny. So what does Carly do nowadays? Well she's now moonlighting as Kimberly Caldwell's personal butt cleaner. Oh, Carly. The saddest part is that you're now at the level of desperation of Kim Caldwell since you elect to hang out with her. That's even worse than you were before. Another epic failure moment, brought to you by Carly Smithson.
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Kimberly Caldwell Already Out on the Town Whoring it Up
Star Magazine reports that Kimberly Caldwell was all over a tall bald guy named Ryan on December 29 at LA hotspot ONE Sunset. Apparently they were "grinding on the dance floor. They started playfully kissing, but that quickly led to long lip locks until they were full-on making out." This leads us to believe our report that she and Water Head broke up just before Christmas is true. The real question though is why any news outlet is reporting about her (our apologies for carrying it further). Do people even recognize her?
Looks Like David Cook and Kimberly Caldwell Broke Up
We received a tip that David Cook and Kimberly Caldwell broke up shortly before Christmas. Our guess? It's probably true. And is anyone surprised? She was clearly using him to get her name back out in the media. Or maybe he was using her to get the frauen to leave him alone. Either way, a collective, "No one cares" sigh will probably be heard round the world... except by Cook's Cougars who will probably be wetting their oversized granny panties this very moment. Disgusting.
And Even Less Loved...
OK, so we overexaggerated on the last story. Constantine has work... in Desperation Tour 2008! Actually, it's just 4 American Idol finalists singing Christmas songs on December 3rd at the State Theatre in Easton, PA. The desperate out-of-work Idols who will be performing there are Constantine (ugh!), Kimberly Caldwell (double ugh!), David Hernandez (who?), and Diana Degarmo. Seriously, Diana. We don't even care that much about you but you can definitely do better than this group of desperate wannabes. Drop out and let someone truly pathetic take your place... like Carly Smithson. Thanks to MJ's Big Blog for the tip!
Kimberly Caldwell Whores Some More
Predictably, not one month after Sloppy Seconds Kimberly Caldwell started dating David Cook, some of her new songs have popped up on iTunes for purchase. The first is fittingly called "Gave Yourself Away" and the second is the real headache inducer called "Fear of Flying". The songs sound so terrible in their 30 second previews, no one has to worry about them being played on the radio. But the funniest part are the comments left to the songs so far. TheBest~* says:
I dont like her deep voice... its lyk a man's voice... its just my opinion... its rly bad in my opinion... never in a million bajillion years would i ever buy ANYTHING from Kimberely Caldwell.. what a little lkjdfsksldj
And Gabbi says:
bad. just bad.
When even the tweentards who write to our mail bag aren't likin' it, you know you have no talent. Oh well, better luck when you date the winner of American Idol 8, whether it's a male, female, plant, animal, whatever.
David Cook and Attention Whore Attend Dodgers Game
David Cook was spotted out and about at a Dodgers' game with his date, obnoxious ex-Idol finalist Kimberly Caldwell. David... seriously... you can do so much better than this loser. Right now, you can get some actually attractive women since you're the famous one. Then later, when no one likes you anymore, Sloppy Seconds Caldwell will still be there, looking for attention. Obviously she must be good in bed, because there is no other reason to like her, as is evident here by a blog post.