David Archuleta
David Archuleta's Frauen Fans are Disturbingly Aware of His 18th Birthday
David Archuleta's Band Hates Him
Gaspy's band gives him a birthday cake with trick candles to embarrass him on stage at the Atlants Star 94 Jingle Jam last night. Of course, he's not smart enough to pick up on the trick candles and he wheezes and gasps as he tries to blow them out.
David Archuleta - A Little Too Not Over You Video
Kind of a stupid name for a song. Gaspy looks like he's in pain for the entire video. But not "Love hurt me" pain. More like "My dad is sitting behind the camera and will lock me in my cage if this song doesn't hit #1" pain.
David Archuleta and David Osmond Together on Stage
The Osmonds had a Christmas concert last night, and little David Archuleta was there to sing with future American Idol 8 Hollywood superplant David Osmond. Maybe Gaspy will give the Osmond tips on how to wheeze and bashfully laugh every time the judges fawn over you. Either way, if the Osmond makes the top 24 this year, the show is officially done for.
David Cook's Album Debuts OK, Archuleta's Falls Like a Rock
This week David Cook's album debuts at #3 on the Billboard Hot 200, which is actually pretty decent being that he came out on the same day as Beyonce and crap on a stick Nickelback. Cook sold 280,000 albums in the first week. It's not an amazing number, but it's more than Jorbacca sold in her first week. It's also better than David Archuleta's doing. Gaspy's album tumbles down the charts to #11, losing about 64% of last week's sales. Gaspy's fans can't even keep him in the top 10 for 2 weeks. How sad. Watch the album tumble much lower next week. We don't expect Cook's to stay high either unless "Light On" actually takes off (it isn't looking good unless the payola kicks in this week).
Always the Bridesmaid, Never the Bride
Poor Gaspy. His fantards tried their best, but again he falls short of ever hitting #1. Gaspy's self-titled album will debut on the charts at #2 this week, according to Hits Daily Double, incredibly far behind Taylor Swift. The album's sales are OK, but nothing spectacular at 180,460. That might be enough for Jeff to give him half a glass of water in celebration. Post your thoughts in the comments section. Was this a decent debut or is Gaspy the next Blake Lewis?
David Archuleta Performs Crush on Jay Leno 11/6
This is actually a pretty terrible performance, can he even hear the key the instruments are in?
David Archuleta's Parents Have Really Done a Number on Him
If you aren't yet disturbed by David Archuleta's lack of hormones and ridiculous wheezing and gasping whenever he refers to not being old enough to find anyone physically attractive, this should do it for you. One of Gaspy's fans gave him a gift inside a bag that had a woman with a short skirt on it. Gaspy looked perplexed and then changed the picture, saying, "I'm just going to draw some shorts on her... I'm weird, I know." Seriously, Jeff. What did you do to this kid? Seems pretty messed up in the head. Doesn't he have any idea what a normal 17 year old does?
David Archulets turned 18 today in legal years, and 8 in actual mental years. As soon as this happened, a creepy frau posted this on a Gaspy fan site:
Holy shit, people. That's disturbing. You know those were probably posted by a 50 year old housewife too.