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David Archuleta | Drupal

David Archuleta

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Salt Lake City Spoilers and Other Fun Info

We received a pretty fun tip yesterday and we wanted to share it today before the Salt Lake City auditions. Some fun info for you:

  • David Osmond actually wasn't a plant. He went to try out on his own, but clearly he was an idiot if he thought he wouldn't be recognized with that last name. His wife Valerie wasn't so lucky- she was cut immediately.
  • Another "plant" tried out but had no luck either. Natalia Wolfgramm, a younger sister of one of the members of the 80's group The Jets, didn't make it past the first round either. Plant Taylor Vaifanua (who we outed as a contestant) is friends with Natalia's family.
  • David Osmond is probably going to go on tour with David Archuleta soon. Gaspy has auditions for his band this past week and we hear that apparently Jeff Archuleta only wanted Mormon band members because he feels that the others are a "bad influence" on David. Jeff also wants to fill the band with Mormons because they apparently ask for less money. Sam Schultz, the guy who started Taylor Vaifanua's last music group, is the new PR guy for Gaspy.

Looks like everyone knows everyone in Utah, huh? So even though David Osmond is cut in Hollywood, Taylor Vaifanua still makes it to at least the top 50. She's interweaved into a few webs there, so she's pretty planty. Guess we'll see what happens as the episode airs tonight.

David Archuleta Cannot Take a Controversial Picture

The tweenies are getting excited over this picture of Gaspy in bed. We're just surprised he's not in footie pajamas while playing with his Barbie dolls. Yet his fans still seem to think this is attractive. The world will never make sense.

Another Gaspy Photo Shoot

So a photographer named Matt Clayton took some pictures of David Archuleta. And while Matt seems like a good photographer and a nice guy, when the subject is this awkward looking, you get results like this:

At least it's better than the last one.

Where's Waldo? Oh, there he is...

Gaspy still stands out as odd, even when channeling his inner Waldo, at the Newphoria party at Utah Valley University on New Year's Eve 2009. Why is Jeff standing there looking all creepy the whole time? Is this a ventriloquist act?

David Archuleta's Frauen Fans are Disturbingly Aware of His 18th Birthday

David Archulets turned 18 today in legal years, and 8 in actual mental years. As soon as this happened, a creepy frau posted this on a Gaspy fan site:

Holy shit, people. That's disturbing. You know those were probably posted by a 50 year old housewife too.

David Archuleta's Band Hates Him

Gaspy's band gives him a birthday cake with trick candles to embarrass him on stage at the Atlants Star 94 Jingle Jam last night. Of course, he's not smart enough to pick up on the trick candles and he wheezes and gasps as he tries to blow them out.

David Archuleta - A Little Too Not Over You Video

Kind of a stupid name for a song. Gaspy looks like he's in pain for the entire video. But not "Love hurt me" pain. More like "My dad is sitting behind the camera and will lock me in my cage if this song doesn't hit #1" pain.

David Archuleta and David Osmond Together on Stage

The Osmonds had a Christmas concert last night, and little David Archuleta was there to sing with future American Idol 8 Hollywood superplant David Osmond. Maybe Gaspy will give the Osmond tips on how to wheeze and bashfully laugh every time the judges fawn over you. Either way, if the Osmond makes the top 24 this year, the show is officially done for.

David Cook's Album Debuts OK, Archuleta's Falls Like a Rock

This week David Cook's album debuts at #3 on the Billboard Hot 200, which is actually pretty decent being that he came out on the same day as Beyonce and crap on a stick Nickelback. Cook sold 280,000 albums in the first week. It's not an amazing number, but it's more than Jorbacca sold in her first week. It's also better than David Archuleta's doing. Gaspy's album tumbles down the charts to #11, losing about 64% of last week's sales. Gaspy's fans can't even keep him in the top 10 for 2 weeks. How sad. Watch the album tumble much lower next week. We don't expect Cook's to stay high either unless "Light On" actually takes off (it isn't looking good unless the payola kicks in this week).

Always the Bridesmaid, Never the Bride

Poor Gaspy. His fantards tried their best, but again he falls short of ever hitting #1. Gaspy's self-titled album will debut on the charts at #2 this week, according to Hits Daily Double, incredibly far behind Taylor Swift. The album's sales are OK, but nothing spectacular at 180,460. That might be enough for Jeff to give him half a glass of water in celebration. Post your thoughts in the comments section. Was this a decent debut or is Gaspy the next Blake Lewis?

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