STP's Canadian Idol Freakshow
CI5 Episode 18: Top 8 Acoustic Night: "Put Your Pimp Suit On"
CI5 Episode 16: Top 9 Perform Songs from the '60s: "Who Cares...Montana's A Worster!"
It's time to flashback to when music wasn't one big generic cesspool, lip-synched by manufactured acts produced by phony crapfests like Canadian Idol, as our Top 9 does music from the Sixties. But unless The Beatles reform tonight, nothing's going to top the power generated by the joining of VFTW and the coolest Idol EVER...Montana Martin Iles!
CI5 Episode 15: Top 10 Results: "No 'Mo 'Fro"
It's time for the first results show of the finals and right away Ben wants to tell VFTW that it's going to be a great night for us as we have our first group number of the season!
The guys are together in a group and are up first, doing the old Idol group standard...Nickelback! John Brunton's given the coveted first spot to his lovechild Brian, who's wearing hat 42C-3 from his collection. And Elvis Jaydee is forced to sing something from the past fifty years and we finally find out that he yodels and sounds like as much of a hick on newer music as he does on older stuff.
CI5 Episode 14: Top 10 Perform #1 Hits: "Jaydee Bixby: Great From The Waist Up (VFTW From The Waist Down!)"
After over 10 000 pathetic auditions, 198 fame whores, 22 VFTW wannabes and the tragedy known as 7/11, we're ready for our Top Ten, which promise to make AI6 edgy by comparison.
CI5 Episode 13: Top 10 Revealed: "F*** You, Canadian Idol"
I'm really not in the mood at this point to write a blog after tonight's results show. I just wanted to put this up as a place for us to to rant. Things will be back to normal next week. I welcome you to use this blog as a forum to make any comments you'd like about what happened Wednesday night, and don't hold back, as I won't.
CI5 Episode 12: Top 7 Girls: "Mila Miller Molests A Piano"
It's the last chance for the girls to prove that we shouldn't be going with an All-Male Top 10 this season. Ben tells us the Idols will be fighting for the chance to work with some of the biggest names in the music business, like Peter Noone. They'll also be fighting to get that record contract, make a crappy, generic album that will sell seventeen copies and fade into obscurity before next season begins. Ben engages the judges in the most meaningless dialogue heard since Larry King interviewed Paris Hilton.
Annika Odegard
CI5 Episode 11: Top 7 Boys: "Jethro Bixby's Headin' Down To 'Cashville, Tennessee"
Our Top Seven Boys are back and we know this is going to be a good night for VFTW as CTV and producer John Brunton screw up the first thirty seconds of my feed. Perhaps he slipped on the floor due to all the grease dripping from Ben Mulroney's hair tonight. VFTW Buddy Tyler Mullendore shows us that he's ready to giver' by giving us three violent head thrashes before you can blink an eye. VFTW Souless Sister Annika's in the lounge and she's praying harder than ever that the judges don't tear her a new one tomorrow night.
CI5 Episode 10: Top 18 Results: "Canada Puts Its White Hood On"
It's time to open up the Canadian Idol dumpster once again as four more of our Idols pay the price for humiliating themselves in front of an entire Nation this week. Our host Ben, with his black outfit and orange skin, reminds me that Halloween is only a few months away. And speaking of Halloween, Sass has added some colour to her ghoustly white skin, proving she lurks at VFTW and read Deb's comment last night.
Fearing that this season hasn't been boring enough and that chosen ones Carly Rae and Greg need more pimpage, John Brunton has put the final nail in his coffin by imposing acoustic night upon us. And to help coach Carly Rae, the show's brought in someone who's an expert at dealing with fake whores, Enrique Iglesias. He'll be teaching the Idols how to properly touch and rub themselves, point and reach into the camera and be as much of a repulsive sweaty pig as possible.
Martha Joy