Professor Chan's blog
Semi Finals #3: "It's about doing it when it has meaning!"
Post Game Analysis: Semi-Finals Group #2
Well, I'm sober and hungover, but this results show is making me eye my nearly empty bottle of Night Train. This show can drive anyone to drink.
Semi-Finals #2: It Takes One To Know One, Sassy Pants -- Extra Schnockered edition.
Idol Semi Finals #2 -- Yawn.
The only way I could get through this week of uninspired singing and dull amateur performances was to mix my own vodka tonics and go for the gusto. Yeah, I'm drunker than Paula, no mean feat that, and I make no apologies. I mean, damn I am TOASTED!!! Yet I'm still not titillated by these singers. Despite countless hours of weeding down the chaff from the grain we STILL have these sucky singers. I mean, how is that possible? Did I mention that I am BLASTED!?!?! I had fun tonight. I don't know about the audience at home, though.
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Results Show #1 -- Post Game Analysis
This is why results shows suck. They are a horrible waste of your life, and nobody should ever watch them. Including me.
The group sing was it's usual brand of terrible. Although Stevie reminded us that she can't carry a tune AT ALL. (How did she make the top 36 again?) And Casey proved to us that she can't sing AND she can't dance. But otherwise, this was dreck.
More recaps of crap we've seen before. One more teasing gasp of Fame to Carly and Michael Johns. By the way, Carly's head looks like it weighs 200 pounds. It's like all the fat in her body migrated to her face. That's all I noticed through the fast forwarding.
Semi-Finals #1: It's Bizarro World Idol
Tonight was Bizarro World night on Idol. Not because Paula's wig was extra frizzy. That's normal.
-Not because Kara was extra horny. I mean, everything out of her mouth was a double-entendre for boning. No, we've come to expect that as well.
-And it wasn't Bizarro night because Simon complimented Ryan on his hair.
-Or that the Idols sang "Songs from the Hot 100... that we've heard a million times before on Idol." No, that's par for the course.
-And it wasn't Bizarro World because the performances were uniformly terrible. Nope, that's just a hilarious bonus.
Elevator Episode: I watched it. I know, I'm so ashamed with myself.
I was dragged kicking and screaming to this episode and I have to pay the consequences. But since I took the bullet you guys don't have to.
Hollywood 4 Rooms Episode-- "Coming Up, The Agony Continues..."
Hollywood Week #3
This is the "this room stays" episode. Usually it's pretty bad, but ever since Idol hit Hollywood it's been on a bit of a roll. This episode rips through 28 performances (out of 72) and we get glimpses of all of our favorites who made it and who went home in under an hour. Because of the relentless editing, if you don't have TiVo this was a useless episode.
Oh, and Tatiana cried and stole the show again.
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I'll just comment on some of the people that we might be dealing with in the Finals.
Group Sing -- "What a bitch!"
Hollywood Week #2 -- Group Sing
Well, this show made a dramatic turnaround. Today was a highly entertaining episode, because group sings bring the drama out of people. I can't say much good singing was performed, and all 107 singers whizzed past at dizzying speeds. But sometimes maybe that's a good thing.
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Since the herky-jerky editing kept me disoriented for most of the episode I'll just hit the high points. And since they never bothered giving us a comprehensive list of who made it or not I'll just note when Worsters made the grade.
Howdy Class,
This week's episode had all the standard Idol components, but on HGH. Kara was hornier than a three-peckered goat in a pheromones factory. Paula was drunk and retarded. Randy was just retarded. And Simon was bored and lazy. He's not just half-assing it this season, he's quarter-assing it. And Ryan, well he was on point with his awesomely unfunny non-jokes, awkward moments and inappropriate touching of the male contestants. Every time he does it, it's worth two drinks at my viewing parties. Sadly, we weren't drinking tonight. Because we're talking Hammered Idol Part 2, if that happened.