Blogs
Episode 4: Kara Goes Horndog Over Bad Teeth
It's clear after the Louisville Kentucky auditions that Kara has stolen Paula's Over-medicated-Cougar-in-Heat schtick. Luckily for Paula she still has the Drunk and Delusional Has-Been card to play.
Who had 14 as the over-under on horse racing puns tonight? And I completely missed 2 baseball bat puns for the parlay.
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I must be overly familiar with the Idol Terrible Singing auditions because I'm contempting the crap out of this show. It took me a couple hours of intense calculating, but I think I've finally cracked the American Idol Code to ratings success, and I'm going to share it with you tonight: Bad singer-Good Singer-Bad Singer-Good Singer. I know, that is brilliant in it's complexity.
Louisville Auditions - You're Going Back To Hollywood, Little Plants
Well, we’re in Louisville. But it’s the same damn show. Within the first minute, the trumpet player tells Kara to put the trumpet up to her lips and blow. He knows her well. Before the episode is up, we’ll get more sob stories and about 10 zillion plants, including the infamous Joanna Pacitti.
Welcome to Part II of the Good Music Corner's three-part series on the stereotypes that should populate the cast of American Idol. This week: whiny emo boys! The producers of Idol are always looking for eye candy to feed the adolescent teenyboppers. Why not feed them a few brooding poet-types who can drop a metaphor or two?
Emo is teenage anthem music. Nowadays, the genre is often associated with dyed black hair, tight clothes and other fashions originated by the screamo scene at Gravity Records. But emo boys are actually much more than side-swept bangs. They are punkish, lovelorn Romeos, wallowing and raging against the tragic beauty of existence. Yes, they are whiny. They whine about broken love, the mediocrity of suburbia and the frivolity of their peers.
In a world filled with facades, it's refreshing to hear a little introspection now and again, and whiny emo boys aren't afraid to wear their hearts on their sleeves.
Episode 3: "I was singing in the wrong Rectum."
So I'm dragged back kicking and screaming to Bad Singing Week #2. [NOTE THE SARCASM]: "I am soooo excited."
I figured that since this week episodes are only an hour, that it should suck exactly half as much. That means that Episode #4 should be an amazing extravaganza, because San Francisco day is a dud.
Is it me, or is this broadcast literally 90% commercials? And it still stinks. Luckily with all the commercials there is precious little time spent on bad singing for me to review. And even fewer good singers. But who cares about those people. Our mission is scouting for Worsters.
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San Francisco Auditions - Tatiana Shines, Akila Whines, Adam's Fine, and Jesus's Design
Is it just me or is the show getting slightly better? Oh, I know what it is. The show isn’t on for 2 fucking hours. That makes it better by default. Seacrest reminds us that Katharine McPhee and William Hung were found in San Francisco. That’s a lot of suck to live up to, but I bet the contestants can handle it. It turns out that San Fran brings us so much VFTW potential, I can hardly contain myself.
We are in the midst of the dreaded American Idol auditions. The search for this season's cast will be predictably filled with the canon Idol characters we see every season: the blonde country singer, the rocker, the adorable teen idol, the R&B diva... If the show's producers must give us formulas, they should at least give us formulaic singers who consistently record quality music. Here is the first in a three-part series on the stereotypes that SHOULD be on Idol. This entry: British blue-eyed soul singers!
These girls sing sexy songs about lost love and gravitate toward timeless vintage sounds. As an added bonus, hardcore soulstresses tend to flaunt a host of behind-the-scenes controversies... and that, producers, makes for good reality television.
Kansas City Auditions - Kara's Horny But The Guys Are All Gay
American Idol returns with 2 more hours of unwatchable nonsense and I start to regret saying I would write a blog each week. That’s a lotta show to recap. But when Idol touches down in Kansas City, thankfully, it’s more entertaining than Phoenix. That’s not to say the show is good. But at least there were some semi-fun moments tonight. Not among those moments? Jason Castro showing up in the first five minutes. Why are they still giving this money hungry loser screen time? I did learn two things tonight though. Kara DioGuardi is horny. Very horny. And most of the guys in Kansas City are fabulously gay and VFTW worthy.
The manic pixie is Natalie Portman in Garden State, Kirsten Dunst in Elizabethtown, and any other artsy, kooky girl who comes along to zap some lovelorn loser out of his gray lifeless funk. Manic pixies are childlike, free-spirited and so adorable you either want to pinch their Lolita cheeks or strangle them. On the upside, the music world's manic pixies tend to record quirky, arthouse tunes with imaginative lyrics about discovering life's eccentricities.