Jordin Sparks
Jordin Sparks Guests on "The Suite Life on Deck"
What a Difference Sleeves Make
Jordin Sparks, who apparently never looks in a mirror, ignored our advice to always wear sleeves. And this is what she looked like while performing at Atlantis in the Bahamas. Seriously, girl. Dress for your body size. We've seen you looking decent. Did you hire your mortal enemy as your stylist? Cover up!
Jordin Sparks - SOS (Let the Music Play) Music Video
We see the "stretch a body so it doesn't look as fat" video technique is still being abused.
ETA: Jive lurked here and the video was removed twice, now it's back up a third time. So watch it fast before it's gone again.
Jordin Sparks is Photoshopped to All Hell in a Milk Ad
It doesn't even look like her with all the airbrushing. At least they kept her mustache.
Compare the Jordin in this Video to the Doctored Pictures
There was even more Photoshopping done than we thought! But why release a video showing how large Jorbacca is and then try to pass off the pictures as authentic? Silly marketing team.
Jordin Sparks Pictures - Shadows Don't Lie
Promo photos for Jorbacca's upcoming album Battlefield have surfaced online. You might be tempted to think Jordin looks great in them, but they're ridiculously photoshopped of course. The Wookie barely fits within camera range of a normal lens. But even with the expensive photoshopping done, the shadow in the second picture gives away the she-hulk's true form.
Jordin Sparks Battlefield Video
Jorbacca's got a new video for her song "Battlefield/My God is an Awesome God." While the song is sort of catchy, why is Jordin in this video all by herself? Could the producers not find a man as hulkish as Jorbacca to put beside her? We guess the "field" part is covered though, so 50% of it works.
Twitter Exists Only to Make VFTW Laugh
Honestly, what kind of self-absorbed morons actually use Twitter to update people on every little thing they do? We are convinced that Twitter only exists so that when we need a good laugh, we can log on and see just how idiotic some of the Idol contestants are. Case in point, it would be fun right now to find Danny Gokey doing something stupid that will inevitably lead to ruining his career, Jorbacca talking about how much she loves to stuff food in her face, and a contestant talking about VFTW:
DannyGokey: I overslept and missed 3 radio interviews....i feel so stupid.
TheRealJordin (Jordin Sparks): TOBLERONEEEEEE
Ramiele: @kristyleecook OMG you have a twitter! If it wasn't for you, I would be the one @Votefortheworst would have picked!
Ta da! Maybe Twitter isn't so useless after all. Of course, you can watch the VFTW Twitter where we send people stupid messages and generally mock other Twitter users as well.
ETA: Turns out the Ramiele twitter is fake. This is her real one. Would someone get her to explain what "pots n pans blitches fuck wid it" means? And why would someone waste time pretending to be Ramiele? This makes no sense.
The funniest part isn't her bad acting. It's the fact that she's double the size of everyone else on the show. Sleeves, Jordin. Sleeves!