Frau Alert

Adam Lambert Fans Are Already Ruining His Career by Overrequesting His Bad Music That No One Wants to Hear

Posted by thefunnystone on November 8th, 2009 at 9:22 AM

Let's take a look back, shall we, at a prescient post made by VFTW on September 29th:

Adam Lambert will face a similar fate to Clay Aiken when his fans kill off his career by being overzealous and pissing off everyone by over-requesting his songs, yelling at his management, starting letter writing campaigns to anyone who would mock him, etc. It'll be a funny ride, so grab some popcorn. 

And now let's look at the Twitter account of a DJ named Billy the Kidd who works at a KISS-FM station in Dallas.

Heads up Adam Lambert fans- it doesn't help when u SPAM my e mail with requests! Ps I can't believe you call urselves the "Glamberts" ha! (link)

Im not rude, just honest. I like Adam, he is talented, but fan clubs sometimes HURT the artist RT @ImSarahK @billyontheradio youre very rude (link)

@HurChaRealGood I was SIMPLY makin a point that when fan clubs spam our WORK e mail, it DOESNT HELP. Thats all. (link)

We prefer our popcorn with butter and salt. How about you?


Sparkle Cows React to the Travesty of Adam Lambert's Album Cover

Posted by thefunnystone on October 27th, 2009 at 4:03 PM

After seeing Adam Lambert's hilariously ugly album cover (see the post below this one), the Sparkle Cows are producing some hilarious reactions. While you laugh at arguably the worst Idol album cover of all time, also laugh at these comments from Adam's fans from his official website:

"I don't like it at all! he looks like a woman! no, no, no....very dissapointed..."


"Is this REALLY the cover? Of all the gorgeous pictures Adam has taken, I can't undertand why this was selected for his debut album...he looks like a woman, not the handsome man he really is. I'm so disappointed!"


"You wanted contraversy, well you got it! This is way to femine for me too. Is it air brushed? Are you naked? You are holding you face as a woman would. All that is good about this, is that it is not the Michelin Man suit! That doesn't look like a Rock God. I still love your singing, your personality, and those other looks."


"Okay...honestly...I LOVE Adam...I really do...but why so femmy?! It's like a bad Cher photo shoot from the 80's! WOW. Just...WOW."


Clay Aiken Frau Car Found at Walmart

Posted by thefunnystone on October 25th, 2009 at 12:26 PM

PeopleofWalmart.com, a brilliant website that chronicles the trashiest customers that frequent WalMart, posted an update today with a Clay Aiken decked out car. Yes, this was posted today. So some frau out there is still so obsessed with Clay Aiken, she drives around in this car. Well, we think it's a woman's car at least...


David Archuleta Album Review Sparks Hilarity, Insanity

Posted by thefunnystone on October 17th, 2009 at 9:06 PM

Ann Rivall, a writer for the University of Wisconsin-Madison's student newspaper the Badger Herald, wrote a hilarious review of David Archuleta's new Christmas album. It makes fun of the album, but even does give Gaspy a little bit of credit for some things (it did get 2 out of 5 stars). But since Idol fans can't stand to have anyone disagree with their lunacy, they soon jumped in to attack Ann for voicing her opinion with over 90 comments. Some of the highlights:

"Ann Rivall you poor pathetic thing. Either you are suffering PMS, hate Christmas music, seek attention, hate David Archuleta, suffer from poor self esteem/body image, or all of the above. You can sharpen your poison pen at this third rate hack of a college “newspaper”, publish your baseless negativity, but people like you will never be able to suppress positive, heartwarming, life affirming people like David Archuleta."

"You are truly an idiot! First of all, David made this Christmas album because so many fans were requesting that he do so... I feel sorry for you that you are so bitter to this wonderful young man. I had the chance to meet him and believe me, YOU DON”T GET IT!!!!"

"Why do you make up rules about what he can and can’t release? Remember Elvis? He sang whatever he wanted and it worked. Get over it."

"Wow, all I have to say is that this review is stinking. Yes, STINKING REVIEW! I’m proud to say that. So what if David made a Christmas album when its not the holidays yet? IS THAT A CRIME TO DO SO? Everyone knows that whoever hates David or his music is either retarded, idiotic or just plain mentally disordered."

"I see why this site is called badger-because you badged the *^&%$$ out of this album and David."

"ANN RIVALL, JUST NEED COTTON BUDS TO CLEAN HER EARS AND GET A MUSIC LESSON FROM BOB DYLAN FOR A START."

"You know what? I HATE YOU! EVERYONE HATES YOU! Did you have an open brain surgery? looks like it. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY THOSE WORDS BECAUSE YOU DON’T CONTAIN ANY OF THOSE1 WHY WON’T YOU LOOK AT YOURSELF FIRST BEFORE TALKING NONESENSE YOU STUPID BRAT! WHY WON’T YOU JUST SHUT UP YOU STUPID RAT! ONLY A STUPID SPOILED PICKLED LOKO WOULD SAY THOSE! I MEAN THAT WAS REALLY HHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFUUUUULLLLLLLLL!!!!!!! many got hurt after what you said!those words were really HURTFUL! THOSE WERE MEANS WORDS! ALL STUPID DUMB WORDS! YOU DON’T DESERVE TO EVEN MENTION DAVID ARCHULETA’S NAME! YOU ARE skunk! A WORTHLESS PIECE OF FILTH! A WORTHLESS SATAN-FOLLOWER! if you have nothing good to say, why did you make a topic ABOUT DAVID?! YOUR NAME IOS RUINED AND I’LL CONTINUE TO RUIN IT! PUTA KA!"

Arts Editor Cailley Hammel then responded to the craziness with another very funny article, finishing up with "bring it on, fuckers." We're absolutely loving the University of Wisconsin Madison right now. Too funny.


Sparkle Cows Threaten to Murder a Guy Because Adam Lambert's Song Didn't Premiere

Posted by thefunnystone on October 2nd, 2009 at 6:42 PM

Ryan Seacrest's producer Sadao Turner had tweeted that Adam Lambert's upcoming song "Time For Miracles" was going to be in the preview for the movie 2012 that premiered last night. Well, wisely, the song was left out of the preview. But this made the Sparkle Cows (Adam's fat, glitter wearing fans) angry. Some of the angry frauen took to Twitter to entertain us:

BabyLambSkank OMG @adamlambert his song was NOT on there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so MAD!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

LiveLoveLambert @adamlambert im in tears right now adam! i was looking forward to your music. omg..i have such a bad stomache now. but ik its not your fault

TuMadre4Real @SadaoTurner you just crushed my hopes and dreams, EVERYTHING IS A LIE. fuck you 2012 preview, FUCK YOU! #IWANTMYTFM 

Then, it turns to death threats:

Richelle177 @SadaoTurner dont think U will live till the end of this year,better start packin ur shit! 

HotStickiBunz82 IF THIS SHIT DOES NOT GO DOWN WITH ADAM LAMBERT SINGING THERE WILL BE HYMN SINGING AND FLOWER BRINGING AT SONY STUDIOS!!!  

cherylagogo LOL POOR DUDE, A GLAMBERT JUST TWEETED THIS TO THE SADAOTURNER GUY: "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU IF I WERE YOU I WOUDN'T SLEEP. :D" 

Really, people? The song is going to be awful. Save yourself the embarrassment and go on a diet.


Adam Lambert Fans Enjoy Meaningless Victories

Posted by thefunnystone on September 29th, 2009 at 5:03 PM

Did you hear? Adam Lambert was #2 on the Amazon.com best seller list with a pre-sale his album. This means... well, next to nothing because very few people pre-buy albums on Amazon. But according to Adam's delusional fans, otherwise known as the Sparkle Cows, this is the most incredible news in the history of music. Some of the comments:

"I am definitely a huge Beatles crazy fan, and have had all their albums for years and years. I'm feeling similar excitement for Adam"

"Adam is the most current worldwide iconic rockgod star this planet has ever seen! The Album, holy smokes, I already ordered 2 and the thing isn't even finished yet, no title and no picture!"

"Soon everyone will be strutting to the beat as Adam takes over the airwaves. It has been a long time since a musical phenomenon has occured, and we are long overdue."

But then one Sparkle Cow is angry that Adam's official site didn't publicize this trivial piece of knowledge sooner, giving us a glimpse into the entertainment value of angry Adam fans:

"Seriously,why AdamOfficial is the LAST to know EVERYTHING? Yeah,that article was put up there HOURS ago and about 4 hours ago Adam had already regained No2 on Amazon, so I am just wondering why the Adam team hasn't set out the news quicker. And since not every Adam fan, or to be precise, potential album buyers refresh their google "Adam Lambert:" search every five minutes, a newsletter informing people about the pre-order would be very beneficial. I mean, not a lot of people check fansites everyday, but most people check their email inbox daily. So, I really hope the team (management) can do its best to promote Adam to the world."

Here's a hint. Guess who else hit #1 in Amazon presales, and it ended up amounting to next to nothing (Scroll down to comment 14)? Yep, Adam Lambert will face a similar fate to Clay Aiken when his fans kill off his career by being overzealous and pissing off everyone by over-requesting his songs, yelling at his management, starting letter writing campaigns to anyone who would mock him, etc. It'll be a funny ride, so grab some popcorn.


A Frau Gets an Adam Lambert Inspired Tattoo

Posted by againstallodds on August 24th, 2009 at 2:53 PM

Good Lord. This better be fake. Dina Marie (Journey711) on Twitter got a tattoo of Adam Lambert's eyes (apparently) on her back. Dina, seriously, do you want to die alone? This is why Adam skips the meet and greets, just so you know.


Adam Lambert Calls His Fans "Smelly" and "Sweaty"

Posted by againstallodds on August 21st, 2009 at 12:51 PM

We know he's been ditching every meet and greet because of it, so it's funny to hear Adam Lambert finally admit his fans are annoying on Velocity Live Radio. He even goes a step further to talk about how much they stink and perspire:

"There’s a lot of very interesting fan encounters–very, very overzealous fans, and I love them all. They’re super supportive, and they obviously put me where I am. You know, if it weren’t for these fans, I wouldn’t have gotten as far as I did. Sometimes, they’re a little sweaty, A little smelly–very touchy-feely. And some of the gifts are interesting. You know, I got, like, an inflatable kangaroo at one point, four feet tall, and I kind of was like, ok, well, thank you, this is sweet, what the…am I going to do with this?"

So basically, Adam appreciates their money, but not their smelly, sweaty puffy paint t-shirts. Can't blame him. You can listen to the interview at MJ's Big Blog.


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