David Archuleta
David Archuleta's Parents Have Really Done a Number on Him
David Archuleta Sings God Bless America
Gaspy gasped his way through "God Bless America" last night at the Devil Rays-Red Sox game. Why is he singing this and not the National Anthem? And we think that he's letting out his inner melisma diva a little too much at the end there. You go, girl. Snap!
19 Management Doesn't Want David Archuleta
David Archuleta (pictured left, actual height next to 3-inch tall mouse) has been passed over by 19 Management, the management team that signs most of the Idol winners and successes, and instead signed a management deal with Azoff Management. Looks like the powers that be at Idol don't see any potential in him either. After his first single "Crush" keeps fluctuating at radio and barely ends up with any airplay, we think 19 Management decided to get out of the way and let the career fail without them. That and Gaspy's dad is probably a royal pain in the ass.
We always knew he was corny...
There are no words. Who the hell designed this travesty? Looks like it was some place called Cornbelly's. We wonder if you have to gasp and wheeze as you run through the maze. And the idiot Gaspytards want to "get lost in his eyes." Please. Get lost. Tell no one you are leaving and stay there. Forever.
When Does the Payola Kick In Again?
Gasp! David Archuleta's single "Crush" is still falling down the charts, but this week it took baby steps to fall from #31 to #32 on the Billboard Hot 100. Does this mean the payola is finally kicking in and his record label will start really paying off the radio stations to play his song? Guess we'll see. At least he'll only get a light spanking tonight compared to Dadchuleta's normal punishment of making Gaspy sit in a cage, cry, and rewatch the finale over and over to figure out how he lost.
David Archuleta "Crush" Music Video
David Archuleta - Crush (New)
Uploaded by Innocence-1992
Aw... how cute. Gaspy paid for friends. Will this lame video help the song rebound from its rapid tumble down the charts? Video highlight: Gaspy checking out the shirtless guy in one shot. Eventually, he's going to have to come out of the closet.
David Archuleta's "Crush" Falls to Number 31
It debuted at #2 due to overzealous fan sales. Then it dropped to #15. The fans dropped the ball. And this week, Gaspy's fantards failed yet again, as "Crush" falls down the Billboard Hot 100 to #31. That's pretty bad, most songs skyrocket up the charts, not tumble down quicker then you can say, "No water for Gaspy tonight." Looks like David Archuleta's fans are failures and don't really care about him after all. Or the song just isn't very good. One or the other. When asked for his take on his failing single, Gaspy said, "Oh gosh *GASP* Gee! *GASP* This won't make *GASP* Daddy very happy. *GASP* *nervous laugh* *GASP* *GASP* *more nervous laughter*"
Crush? Guess Not
Well, that was short lived. While it still has time to rebound, Gaspy's first single "Crush" proved to be a huge failure in its second week on the charts. It fell from #2 to #15 on the Billboard Hot 100. That's a huge drop which rarely happens, especially to music that is just released. Looks like the only people who care about Gaspy's song are the die hard Archtards. The song also falls from #1 to #6 on the Hot Digital Songs and has yet to crack the top 20 in Airplay. Will the Gaspy fans be able to formulate a plan to save the song and save Gaspy from the cage tonight? Guess we'll see. If they don't buy at least 20 copies of the song each, they are bad fans who let Gaspy down. Jeff, at least give him a little water to stop his coughing fits.
If you aren't yet disturbed by David Archuleta's lack of hormones and ridiculous wheezing and gasping whenever he refers to not being old enough to find anyone physically attractive, this should do it for you. One of Gaspy's fans gave him a gift inside a bag that had a woman with a short skirt on it. Gaspy looked perplexed and then changed the picture, saying, "I'm just going to draw some shorts on her... I'm weird, I know." Seriously, Jeff. What did you do to this kid? Seems pretty messed up in the head. Doesn't he have any idea what a normal 17 year old does?
