| adamglamrock |
 Posted: April 1, 2009 - 2:20am |
|
|
Joined: 17 Mar 2009
|
Whoring episode. That sounds about right to me! What a great review Professor, as always. The best part of the show for me is reading what you and Dave have to say, ha ha. I wrote my review in Dave's thread and don't want to bore folks by repeating it.
I can't believe you didn't comment on Lil Rounds' BIG FUCKING HUGE rounds. I gotta hand it to you for self-discipline :D
So you think it'll be Anoop rather than Megan huh? I really hope so. I think the producers would agree since they gave Anoop the death spot. They have too much of a sausage fest going on, and songbird is the only looker, so it makes sense to keep her around. Adios Slumdog Singer.
What's up with the pimp on monkey boy instead of Timberfake? That was surprising, huh? Maybe the only surprise of the week.
__________________________
Adam Rocks Because He Mocks!!!!
|
|
|
|
|
| RaptorJesus69 |
| Posted: April 1, 2009 - 2:40am |
|
|
Joined: 22 Sep 2008
|
Gwen and her lemon husband should die.
what am i talking anyway
__________________________
bye
|
|
|
|
|
| TheDancingCookie |
| Posted: April 1, 2009 - 2:59am |
|
|
Joined: 12 Apr 2007
|
No grade for Lil? Ha ha. That means there wasn't even a grade for how bad she was!
And thank you for saying Kris was boring. I thought it was Invasion of the Body Snatchers and everyone was possessed and saying that Kris was good but I thought he was meh. I hate how the judges go - wow, what an original arrangement - when the Idols have stolen it from someone else. Why don't they just say - Kris is doing the X version of X song and be open about it rather than pretend like AI invented new arrangements of songs.
P.S. I hate Danny Gokey.
__________________________
Playing the role of my avatar today will be a kitten.
|
|
|
|
|
| frauisme |
| Posted: April 1, 2009 - 3:41am |
|
|
Joined: 31 Mar 2009
|
this is my first time posting so pardon me for any intended pun.
fuck, i sound like an ass-kisser.
anyway, Chan, i agree 99.99% with what you said about Kris, although i would've given him Grade C or D for trying to pass that arrangement as his own. Originality is never in Kris's vocabulary. plus, i still haven't forgiven him for totally ripping off Adele's version of To Make You Feel My Love.
i'm still waiting for Adam's inner soul to smack him on the forehead for toning down his fabulousness.
__________________________
we're not in Wonderland anymore Alice.
|
|
|
|
|
| darwin1981ph |
| Posted: April 1, 2009 - 4:10am |
|
|
|
Joined: 24 Apr 2008
|
Still I hate DONKEY Danny! Could someone send him down to mars!
|
|
|
|
|
| Jimmy_Like |
| Posted: April 1, 2009 - 4:28am |
|
|
|
Joined: 26 Feb 2009
|
Great stuff as usual, Chan. Two omissions, though:
1. You mentioned Megan's jeans but left out any allusion to Jessica Simpson.
2. You didn't call out the awkward-clapping of the kids surrounding Matt during his performance.
|
|
|
|
|
| vftbest |
| Posted: April 1, 2009 - 4:57am |
|
|
|
Joined: 19 Feb 2009
|
I LOVE 'YOU FOUND ME'! But Matt DESTROYED it. I can sing it better than he can, and I am A TEEN GIRL. Way overdone and REALLY whiny!!!! I was laughing out loud the whole time.
|
|
|
|
|
| sistergldnhair |
| Posted: April 1, 2009 - 6:43am |
|
|
|
Joined: 17 Apr 2008
|
Did anyone else notice the hideous group of girls holding a "Danny" sign...I'm guessing they were friends/family?
hilarious
an ugly smug douche gets hideous evil step sister type fans
there is justice after all
|
|
|
|
|
| voicecracker |
| Posted: April 1, 2009 - 7:15am |
|
|
Joined: 16 Apr 2008
|
My first response to last night's show went under the 'spoiler' article and heavily addressed Anoop's song choice. It was a long post so I'll simply recap by saying how amazed I am that he still doesn't quite get what songs make for a great Idol performance. In contrast, Lil Rounds went out of her way to pick a perfect Idol song. The judges' take on her choice made me want to drown them in a bucket of wet cement much more than usual. Of course it doesn't matter since she's the weakest vocal cast in the soulful diva category they've had in years. The 'vote for her anyway because she has cute little kids' moment was shamefully over the top.
I think the judges forgot to point out that Allison is 16 this week. Must have been a glitch with the comment prompter in their table. I honestly don't get all the outfit discussion. It was not a 'look at me I'm a rocker now' outfit to me. Highschool girls wear stuff like that all the time anymore. It mostly reminded me of clothes Madonna used to wear when she was just starting out. Much more stage appropriate than some of the other garbage people have worn on this show. In fact, it was the first time I ever thought she looked attractive.
Matt Giraud... that was suckalicious. He sets up for dramatic intimacy with the audience and then drops the bomb. No, not the cool bomb. Yes, the one that goes in the toilet. Danny has to work overtime to get rid of the gravel in his voice. Matt went the other way resulting in multiple, comical fake sounding growls during the song. There's a noise that occurs when your buddy gets drunk and tries to do Metallica at the karaoke bar. That's the sound. Thanks to Matt for reminding me what it's like to watch singers who are NOT on television.
Adam won the night before it started. This goes back to song selection. He gets it. He would have had to bend over backward... errr scratch that.... He would have had to work extra hard to screw that one up and not make it a winner. He even dropped some patented playful squeals at the end for the fellas.
I hope Scott finds his way home soon. By his standards, last night's performance was fine but watching and listening to him each week is generating an ever growing need for anti-depressants.
Kris sang last night. It sounded good. I think he had 'a moment' but I'm having trouble remembering it.
Ever notice Megan is the only one specifically referring to her fans? Thanks for the shout out darlin'. She figured we would love her song. Well, it was no Rockin' Robin but it did the trick. Given an opportunity to choose anything, she came up with that. I wonder if she picked the title thinking it was something else. Random poetry has more melody. Main criticism for Megan- not enough twist. I gotta have more twist!
|
|
|
|
|
| Roostah |
| Posted: April 1, 2009 - 7:18am |
|
|
|
Joined: 19 Mar 2008
|
Great review as always, Chan
I was also suitably impressed (for the first time) by Scott....he found his niche with Billy Joel, although its probably not enough to keep him around much longer.
Lil was really pissed, that was my favorite part of the whole show. It looked like she was going to explode.
Matt G apparently "aborted" all the things the judges liked about him, according to drunken Paula.
Its getting harder and harder to follow these judges...no surprise there.
Anyway, right on the nose professor!
|
|
|
|
|
Final 9: ITunes Whoring Episode.
We are repeatedly told by Seacrest that this week involves something about I-Tunes, but I can't figure out what. Basically it comes down to that the contestants can pick any famous song they want (as long as it's cleared by the parsimonious producers.) The "Pick Any Song You Want" episode is always good for a few laughs, because we realized how delightfully out of touch each of the Idols are, and how far from being contemporary recording artists they are.
And in the opening video montage I see that Gokey has man-boobs.
---------
Anoop -- "Caught Up" by Usher
This is Anoop getting back to his ironic send-up of popular dance music, and it's pretty funny. Anoop does an Usher song with his tentative dance steps, ugly singing faces and commodore jacket (From "Rhythm Nation" era Janet Jackson.) For some reason Anoop chooses to sing a dance song, so the driving percussion that makes the song memorable is toned way down in the mix. Anoop is far from being a good dancer (and really, if you don't have a choreographer there's not much hope for dance tracks on Idol.)
GRADE: D -- Anoop was in-tune but I'm pretty confident that he's going home. I enjoyed it, it just wasn't anywhere close to what you'd call "good."
------------
Megan VFTW QUEEN Cock-Ring -- "Turn Your Lights Down" a Bob Marley song, as sung by Lauren Hill, allegedly.
Megan continues her streak of choosing the absolute worst songs for her to sing. For some reason she goes with the Lauren Hill version, but I would've loved to hear her do the Bob Marley version. In her bio video she's dressed like the Swiss Miss. In her performance she's dressed fine, green blouse and jeans... (she's got no butt) but she's mugged Mr. T for his jewelry, including a gold "M" rope. So 0 for 2 on her outfits tonight. Megan's performance is all over the place bad. She's behind the beat for the entire song, she's also off-key and her usually odd and gritty voice sounds grating tonight. She plants herself on-stage and fights her impulses to do her stupid swivel dance. All of it adds together for one of the all time great Bad Idol performances.
GRADE: FAIL -- We LOVE you Megan -- VOTE FOR THE WORST!!!
-----------
At this point I'm pretty sure that Paula is high or strung out. She looks glassy-eyed and although she's somewhat in the moment tonight, her eyes are blood-shot and she's as high as a kite.
------------
Danny Gokey -- "What Hurts The Most" by Rascal Flatts.
In Gokey's bio video he's wearing a plum colored conductor's hat. He also talks about the country influences of Rascal Flatts. Come on, Rascal Flatts are the pussies of country music. They'd get their asses kicked by any REAL country artist. And that includes 90 year olds Willie Nelson and Kenny Rogers. That's a tag-team match I'd pay to see, watching Willie Nelson beating the living crap out of Rascal Flatts, by himself. And then only at the end tagging in "The Gambler" to maybe drop an elbow and get the pin. Awesome. The performance isn't as nearly entertaining as the visual picture of septuagenarians wrestling.
Gokey picks a schmaltzy song that is right in his wheel-house, although by the end of the song the gravel outweighs the clean notes, and generally he sounds like his voice is dying.
GRADE: B -- Gokey does what he does, and the judges love it. I don't, but I can see how he succeeded with what he was going for. Conspiracy Theorists are going to point out that they specifically put Gokey after the two weakest performances tonight to make him look great, without having to waste another pimp slot to keep him safe for another weak. For some reason the producers and the judges are bending over backwards to keep Gokey safe, even though Adam's been singing him off the stage for three weeks now.
---------
Allison Irehata -- "Don't Speak" by No Doubt
Allison doesn't do herself any favors with her mega-tan and demented plaid Kilt/Dress outfit that sadly matched her violet hair. I think Allison was smart in picking a Gwen Stefani song, as Gwen is a pretty weak singer, especially live. Allison sounds okay in the slow part of the song with her timid guitar playing, but she's shrieking and growling by the time it hits the emotive chorus.
GRADE: C -- If Randy comments on how stupid your outfit is, it's pretty stupid.
----------
Blind Scott -- "Just The Way You Are" by Billy Joel
Blind Scott's dressers are just playing jokes on the guy. With his poofy hair and leather jacket he's mimicking "Glass House" era Billy Joel from 1980. Although the visual image of Scott throwing rocks at people is funny. I fondly remember the water balloon commercial.
http://www.adliterate.com/archives/glasshousesPIC.jpg
Scott is pretty good tonight. I think his career is leaning towards playing Billy Joel songs on piano in your finer department stores. Simon says this was Scott's best performance and I agree. This song was a smart choice as Billy doesn't have the greatest vocal range and Scott doesn't have to stretch too far. He hits his notes, plays his piano and does a great job. He sounds good.
GRADE: B+ -- I don't know if playing faithful versions of 27 year old songs is a recipe for pop culture success, but Scott should stick around for at least another weak. And he nearly falls off the stage after standing from the piano, hence the +.
------------
Matt Giraud -- "You Found Me" by The Fray
This was by far Matt's most entertaining performance. Not to suggest that it was good, oh, no sirree. It was pretty awful. Matt was out of tune for most of the song and his dry humping his piano was hysterical. He also makes lascivious '70s porno faces and growls through the entire chorus. Simply awesome.
GRADE: FAIL -- Based on that performance Matt should be going home. And stop dressing like Scott, man. That's just disrespectful.
---------
Lil Rounds -- "I Surrender" by Celine Dion
Lil Rounds seems so upset by the judges' stupidity that she's beginning to get a personality. It's awesome to watch her fuming while the judges explain how yet again she chose "the wrong song." I mean, she picks the perfect Idol song... slow in the beginning, building to a big, melodic chorus with a glory note finish. I can see her anger as she does everything she's supposed to do, and STILL it's not good enough.
Lil is not helped by over-bearing backing music, and she's out of tune in parts of the song. I've come to the conclusion that what Lil needs are a few singing lessons. She has a big, pretty voice but her enunciation, tonality and breath control are all amateurish. She could be good, but she needs some professional lessons.
The Judges' practically beg her to sing Mary J. Blige songs ONLY. Although Kara has her own wacky ideas of what's contemporary, "Mariah, Eric Carmen..." Eric Carmen?!?! What the hell? That fruitcake was the wussy weepy wonder from the '70s. His ONE song was "All By Myself" which was successfully sung by LaToya London on Idol. It was also famously covered by Frank Sinatra and Celine Dion. So basically Kara's saying "Don't sing Celine, but you should sing Celine." No wonder Lil is ticked off. I can practically see the steam coming out of her ears.
The Producers freak out that Lil gave another mediocre performance so they command Seacrest to bring out Lil's children. "See, Lil has kids, so Vote for her." Seacrest interviews Lil's little girls to predictable results... (lots of awkward silence) and he basically lets Purple Grimace (Randy) hug one of her daughters. Lil cries in fear, as she's afraid Randy will try to eat the poor kid. "Mommy, why is this strange man hugging me?" It's pretty embarrassing. Definitely one of the funnier moments of the night.
[NOTE: Oops forgot Lil Rounds' grade] GRADE: C+
-------------
Adam Glambert -- "Play That Funky Music" by Wild Cherry
Adam continues to impress and amaze as he busts out this faux-funk one hit wonder, and gives his own over-the-top spin to it. Adam is shameless as he adds his own shrieks and pelvic thrusts. It's another awesome performance that you need to youtube right away.
GRADE: A -- Glambert is single-handedly making this season of Idol watchable. Paula blathers on about hopes and dreams or something until I'm convinced she's quoting Ghandi. So I know she's been toking on the good stuff tonight.
------------
Kris Allen -- "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers
Kris continues to blandly exist on Idol. His performance was decent (all of the girls in my viewing party swooned) but basically it was another completely unmentionable performance on a forgettable song. I did a quick Wikipedia search to discover that literally EVERY SINGLE PERFORMING ARTIST in the history of music has done their version of this song. Some notables: Justin Timberlake, Joan Osborne, Maroon 5, The Temptations, Tori Amos, Al Jarreau, Michael Jackson, D'Angelo, Ja Rule, Wynnona Judd, Michael Bolton and Al Green... Stop me when you get what I'm getting at here. Percy Sledge, Marvin Gay, Van Morrison, DMX and Aaron Neville. Damn, no wonder I felt like I heard this song before. Because I have. A million different times.
Let's just say that despite everything Kara said about Kris being original... he's not.
GRADE: C+ -- Does Kris have the awesome forgetfulness to be the first person sent home from the Pimp Slot? Tune in tomorrow and see. Or rather, don't. Let us take the hit, and laugh along with our recaps.
--------------
Let's hear your Gokey in the three Slot conspiracies. Questions, Comments... etc? This is your time.
__________________________
Professor Chan For Questions, Comments, Fan Mail --