Professor Chan's blog
Episode 6: Kara is a Closet Worster-- Yeah!
Episode 6: Raped by a Giant Pink Rabbit
I was bamboozled. I stupidly thought that this was the final bad singing episode. But oh no. We have two more crappy hours with the New York, Puerto Rico double dip tomorrow. Eegads.
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We start this show off with a Girls Gone Wild Drew Carey looking guy who flashes his saggy man-boobs. Too bad we didn't get to hear him sing. But 5 seconds of GGW Drew already makes tonight more entertaining than the terrible Jacksonville show. Then again, it's like saying stepping in dry dog crap is so much better than stepping in fresh dog crap. It's still shades of crap.
Episode 5: worst Idol episode ever with no capital 'W'.
This was the worst Episode of Idol Ever and not in a good way.
Well, this season has hit a new low. Not in a train wreck exciting blood and gore way. Or even in a horrible singing, making fun of the handicapped way either. We've hit the nadir of this season and possibly the worst episode in 8 years of Idol, including Beatles Week Part Deux from last year. And THAT one was terrible.
Episode 4: Kara Goes Horndog Over Bad Teeth
It's clear after the Louisville Kentucky auditions that Kara has stolen Paula's Over-medicated-Cougar-in-Heat schtick. Luckily for Paula she still has the Drunk and Delusional Has-Been card to play.
Who had 14 as the over-under on horse racing puns tonight? And I completely missed 2 baseball bat puns for the parlay.
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I must be overly familiar with the Idol Terrible Singing auditions because I'm contempting the crap out of this show. It took me a couple hours of intense calculating, but I think I've finally cracked the American Idol Code to ratings success, and I'm going to share it with you tonight: Bad singer-Good Singer-Bad Singer-Good Singer. I know, that is brilliant in it's complexity.
Episode 3: "I was singing in the wrong Rectum."
So I'm dragged back kicking and screaming to Bad Singing Week #2. [NOTE THE SARCASM]: "I am soooo excited."
I figured that since this week episodes are only an hour, that it should suck exactly half as much. That means that Episode #4 should be an amazing extravaganza, because San Francisco day is a dud.
Is it me, or is this broadcast literally 90% commercials? And it still stinks. Luckily with all the commercials there is precious little time spent on bad singing for me to review. And even fewer good singers. But who cares about those people. Our mission is scouting for Worsters.
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Episode 2: "This is very uncomfortable now."
Remember the one or two good things I said about the Idol season premier? Well, I take it all back. It was mostly terrible for an unnecessary two hours of bad singing, and I'm talking about the Gold Ticket winners.
This nearly interminable episode showcased everything that's bad about Idol. Two hours of tedious bad singing, mocking of the mentally handicapped. More bad singing. And then just to rub it in they show us a teaser for "The Most Dramatic Hollywood Week Ever." Which is still nearly a month away. Man, that looked really good, and featured pretty much everybody we've seen get a ticket so far.
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Episode 1: The Idol Fall Begins, VFTW Rises.
Oh yeah, Idol is back. And more importantly Professor Chan is back for another go-round of Idol mockery. With 8 being my lucky number maybe this season is when VFTW hits pay-dirt and we finally get a VoteForTheWorst Idol Champion that we all can be proud of. Well, besides Taylor Hicks, of course. Those were the days.
It's the Final Results Show... Thank God
American Idol 7 Crowns It’s Champion. Hooray.
Tonight the two Davids share the stage with all the other Idol losers one last time... before 3 months of Idol stage tour concerts. If Boxing Night didn’t kill off their dignity tonight sure did. It was a night of bad singing, bad dancing, and bad product plugging. It was gloriously horrible and tacky, and it was also pretty freaking entertaining. Either that or the half-quart of Red Bull and Night Train did it's job.
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So much to talk about... I think I’ll do it in my popular Random Thoughts stream of consciousness style which is heavy on punchlines, but light on filler.
So unluckily for me "The Office" is a re-run tonight. That means I have to gut out another crappy bad singing episode. But happily it is the LAST bad singing episode and a lot of Worst talent snuck through tonight. LOTS of Worst Talent.
In a somewhat unsettling way Idol cross-cuts from New York to Puerto Rico. Apparenlty the Puerto Rican auditions sucked really hard, but the New York non-talents looked equally terrible to me.
Seacrest promises: "Saving our best for last." And if you believe that then Season 7 was "the Most Talented Ever." And Seacrest "likes" girls.
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