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Grading The Idols' Albums - Daughtry
Sanjaya is my Papaya
"Welcome to the Universe of Sanjaya" needs to be on a T-shirt.
So our boy lives up to the hype yet again and single-handedly makes this episode watchable. I tried voting for Sanjaya but the line was busy for the entire two hours. It's just a hunch, but I think he stays around another week or three. VFTW!!!
There's more to good singing than just hitting the right notes. It's usually Oldies night that separates the real talent from the posers on Idol. This is where they're forced to sing Public Domain songs, songs we've heard hundreds of times before, and sung better too. Somehow these amateur have to find the meaning to the songs and sing them in a way that translates the meaning to a modern audience. That is the essense of singing, not just flashy Mariah Carey runs that impresses all the young'uns. And for anyone still wondering why Tony Bennett is star, watch this episode. He steals the show without singing a note.
Top 9- Welcome to the Universe of SANJAYA!
Tony Bennett stops by to educate the Idols on some classic big band era songs. And for the first time, I really can’t rip on the guest judge too much. Tony actually offered some good advice and was pretty endearing. Don’t worry though, faithful readers, I shall still rip on the Idols and judges.
Blake Lewis is up first with Mack the Knife. Tony wants him to slow down the tempo and give each lime more impact. I doubt Blake was listening. His faux British accent is back. I wonder if he realizes he sings with a bad accent some weeks, it’s so odd. Maybe he's trying to trick Simon into being nice to him? All he'd have to do to make Simon happy is send him a mirror and a bottle of lube. I guess Blake singing well, but he has gone into sleepy territory at this point. He’s gotten so mind-numbingly dull, probably because he got sick of the judges not recognizing his “current” (read 1980’s and 90’s) music. The judges swoon for no good reason. Can you tell Blake is going to make it to the finale without even trying?
Grading The Idols' Albums - Katharine McPhee
GRADING THE IDOLS’ ALBUMS
Hello Class,
Welcome back to “Grading The Idols’ Albums.” Today we triple-team Katharine McPhee’s eponymous album. Once again joining me on this project are Dean Kyle and Master Freech who has returned from vacation to catch the McPheever with Kyle and me.
KATHARINE McPHEE – “Katharine McPhee.”
Cover: Katharine in bee dress and knee-high boots coyly pulling down her skirt that “accidentally” hiked up a wee bit too far.
Theme: Remember your psycho ex-girlfriend that was too needy and called you day and night, but then cheated on you, and STILL refused to believe it when you broke up with her? That’s McPhee on this album.
Sanjaya Auditions for 300 Part 2: Die Harder
Howdy Class!
Welcome back to Grading The Idols. Last night Gwen Stefani phoned in her guest duties and the Idols sang from the musical genre “music that inspired Gwen.” Gullible viewers might’ve expected some Ska, Raggae or Punk songs from The Specials, Bob Marley or Blondie. But OF COURSE Gwen was REALLY inspired by Donna Summer (twice) the Police (twice) and Gwen’s own songs (thrice).
Gwen’s contribution to this show was literally added in post. It was so fake and scripted that she might’ve even been green-screened in when the Idols “met” her on the AI Piano Set. Gwen is a terrific performer but not much of a vocal coach, if you get my drift.
Top 10- Gwen Stefani Proves How Useless She Really Is
Idol recruited Gwen Stefani to pick the songs for the Idols that inspire her, because we all know with her exquisite taste in music, she’ll pick awesome songs. If you can’t tell, I’m being sarcastic, because Gwen might be the biggest idiot to hit the music business since… yeah, no one else. This is the same idiot who thought sampling The Lonely Goatherd from The Sound of Music in a pop song about how hot she finds herself was a good idea. Good? No. Painful? Yes. I enjoy ripping into Gwen Stefani almost as much as I enjoy ripping into Idol, so this is going to be a fun recap. Notice how no one does a Gwen Stefani solo song tonight because that stuff is just pure pig vomit. Not even Sanjaya takes that kind of a risk. We basically find out that Gwen is inspired by the Police, Donna Summer, the Cure, the Pretenders, Cyndi Lauper, and herself. This may be the worst theme week ever in the history of the show. Who cares what inspires Gwen Stefani? The woman obviously has no taste.
Grading The Idols' Albums - Clay Aiken
GRADING THE IDOLS’ ALBUMS
Welcome back to my brand-new masochism experiment, Grading the Idols’ Albums. This week I’m here with Dean Kyle, but sadly Master Freech left the country to avoid doing another CD review. (Just kidding, he’s on vacation in Florida.)
Professor Chan: Today’s album is Clay Aiken’s debut CD “Measure of a Man.”
Don't Let The Sun Catch You, Crying Girl
Everybody came to sing this week. Some just better than others. Even Sanjaya shifted into a new gear of awful, which made his shouted performance a highlight. We found a new TV sensation in Crying Girl, a tearful 10 year old AI fan in the audience with a pained crying face. And we discover Chris Sligh is a closet VFTW fan, what a night.
Even the judges brought their A-games of terrible to the table. Randy with his incoherence and irrelevancy. Paula and her random jokes that only she gets, and Simon with his innuendo and hitting on all the girls. Ryan gets into the terrible act by trying to set Sanjaya up with Crying Girl. Dude, she's 10. It's not funny.
Grading the Idols Albums - Daughtry
Howdy Class,
Welcome back to another action-packed edition of Grading the Idols' Albums. Today we're getting serious with Chris Daughtry. Or rather, the band Daughtry's eponymous album.
As usual I'm joined by Dean Kyle and Master Freech.