David Archuleta Ditches the Few Fans He Has Left

Posted by thefunnystone on March 24th, 2009 at 7:17 AM
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David Archuleta was supposed to show up for an after-concert party in Idaho this week, but decided to not go, according to an article in the Standard Journal. Was he scared of a frauen stampede after reading David Cook's blog, or is he just a jerk off? Probably both. In the article, Jason Clark, a sophomore at Brigham Young University-Idaho, said he was extremely upset and felt "cheated" when Gaspy didn't show. The reason why Jason thinks Gaspy is someone worth paying $10 a ticket to meet is unclear, but Jason may be suffering from a psychological condition known as idiocy. Overall though, bad move alienating the few people who still like you that are under 40, Gaspy. But at least there will be more room for the cow-sized frauen at his upcoming concerts.
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Weenrocks
Posted: March 24, 2009 - 7:27pm
Joined: 22 Feb 2008

I was at the concert and they said "Come to the after-party tonight and meet David Archuletta............... 's brother" but the crowd started cheering so loud you couldn't hear the brother part.

Constantine Wuz...
Posted: March 24, 2009 - 9:15pm
Joined: 16 Mar 2009

Archuleta Unleashed: A Concert Review

Last night I had the distinct pleasure of taking my 5 year old daughter to see David Archuleta in Pocatello, Idaho. The show was 30 minutes late in starting. Amy Mirello (sic?) opened the show accompanied by a guy named Jay on acoustic guitar. She was personable and managed to get the crowd of pre-pubescent girls to stop texting and look up from their cell phones for a few minutes. Mirello must have some connection to the 19 Entertainment/A.I. cabal. She name dropped Kara DioGuardia and sang a song that she claimed to have co-written with her. She also said that Archuleta himself was a fan and personally selected her as the supporting act on his tour.

After the opening act, the next 30 minutes were spent watching and listening to Archuleta’s overweight roadie tune guitars and check mikes. Another roadie put out water bottles and towels thick enough to soak up the Exxon Valdez oil spill. I was thinking-it’s 30 degrees and snowing outside-are these guys really going to work up that much of a sweat.

The crowd was growing restless and I heard one girl yell “Bring out David!” with a tone in her voice that said “It’s late, get your ass out here and sing you little twerp”.

While I was waiting I imagined David backstage, overcome with nerves, in a fetal position, and his manager/father Jeff gently coaxing his meal ticket er…I mean son on stage with an electric cattle prod.

Archuleta finally appeared to the delight of the screaming audience. Much of the show was a blur. To be honest, the kid can sing and his stage banter was surprisingly coherent. I don’t know the names of any of his songs except “Crush”. He introduced one song as being a bonus track on the Wal-Mart edition of his album and another song being from the itunes album, deluxe edition.

His band sounded good. His bass player looked like a young Tommy Lee. I imagine he is probably wondering how his rock-n-roll fantasy turned into the nightmare of backing-up a mouseketeer. His drummer had Jason Castro dreds and the blond girl on keyboards reminded me of a more talented Linda McCartney. One thing I noticed, when he introduced the band he only gave their first names. It was like, ”I’m the star here and you are just the hired help”. It seems like something that his father would put him up to.

He did a cover of Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours”. I’ll admit Gaspy singing the opening line to that song was a bit uncomfortable to me-

“Well you done done me in my bed I felt it, I tried to catch you but I was so hot that I melted”.

On the two encore songs Archuleta accompanied himself competently on the piano playing Vanessa Carlton’s “Thousand Miles” and Robbie Williams’ “Angels”.

Concert Rating:

Sane, reasonable person: B

12 year old girl: A++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

FenderBender
Posted: March 24, 2009 - 8:34pm
Joined: 20 Mar 2007

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Well THERE'S 491 words of wasted bandwidth.

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ROCK TIL DEATH!!!

Constantine Wuz...
Posted: March 24, 2009 - 9:10pm
Joined: 16 Mar 2009

Fender Bender,

If you want, I can email you the unabridged version.

adamglamrock
Posted: March 24, 2009 - 11:42pm
Joined: 17 Mar 2009

Why does this guy put on shows at night anyway? Shouldn't he be the matinee act? I mean all his fantards are under the age of 12. I can't believe the frauen are really after him especially since they have Hicks, Baldy, and now Gokey to drool over.

But I love the picture! Good work.

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Adam Rocks Because He Mocks!!!!

voicecracker
Posted: March 25, 2009 - 12:30pm
Joined: 16 Apr 2008

quote: "Why does this guy put on shows at night anyway? Shouldn't he be the matinee act? I mean all his fantards are under the age of 12. I can't believe the frauen are really after him especially since they have Hicks, Baldy, and now Gokey to drool over.

But I love the picture! Good work. "

Haha! Matinees.... Yes! Bring back the shopping mall tours of the mid 80s and celebrate the legacies of Tiffany and legendary Canadian Robin Sparkles

SuburbanCowboy
Posted: March 25, 2009 - 1:18pm
Joined: 13 Mar 2009

I had such a crush on Robin Sparkles when I was a teen in Canada in the 80s. "Let's Go To The Mall" was definitely better than the love song gibberish she ended her career with.