I think there could be a train wreck in Brooke's future, too. (Though it would be a boring train wreck, in keeping with everything else she does.)

And what cheesy rock arrangement of Billie Jean could David C. be borrowing?

Oh man, that should be VFTW worthy for sure. ETA Billie Jean?!? WTF?

http://www.winzy.com/jesslag

Sooooo what kind of theme would all those songs create?

"I'll give you this strawberry if you keep it a secret, ok?" - L

Songs from the year they were born.

I can already see the faces Carly Plantson will be making when she crazy belts Total Eclipse of The Heart.
AND WHO COULD HAVE GUESSED THAT DAVID A. WOULD GET THE PIMP SPOT?

Tonight is going to be great.

You're the Voice is one of the all time worst songs ever written, made famous by a mulletted redneck arsehole.

KKK is going to be GOLD today. Anyone else thought of Drop Dead Gorgeous when they heard what she is singing, or is that just me?

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Did DOXOLOGY do "Billy Jean"? Because if not.... IMPLOSION!!!

You will go broke spending money chasing women! You will never lack woman when you are chasing money!

Here's my psychic review of the performances before they even happen:

Syesha: Boring. Syesha's performance would have been utterly forgettable, except that an even lower cut, tighter blouse this week reveals even more of her juggs (the extra "g" is for "Good gravy, them's some nice titties!"). That strategy should keep her safe for a few more weeks, Scarnato-style.

David Cook: David performs the Nickelback approximation of this Michael Jackson classic, which involves his mediocre guitar skills and some deep, gutteral wailing. The "true rocker" performance of the night is eventually overshadowed by Cook's ill-advised attempt to moonwalk, which results in him tripping over his own combover.

Carly: Carly's performance is technically okay, with some forced, Celine-type vocal power, but the whole show is brought to a screeching halt afterwards when her giant beaver teeth sink into Ryan Seacrest's arm during the post-song interview. Apparently Carly got the wrong idea when she overheard someone describing Ryan's stage presence as "wooden."

Chikeze: In an attempt to "keep it real," Chikeze has surprisingly risked his health this week by gaining 200 pounds to more closely resemble his mentor, Luther Vandross. After two onstage heart attacks, Chikeze pulls out a harmonica and turns this smooth R&B jam into a rough R&B nightmare.

Brooke: A surprise move this week sees Brooke stealing the song that was originally intended for David Archuleta (because of his breathing issues, get it?). Brooke sings the song well, then cries afterwards. Then she devours a live baby on stage.

Jason: In a move sure to make soccer moms the world over commit mass suicide, Castro takes the stage with a shaved head! He announces that he got really baked the night before and thought it would be a good idea. Jason is immediately voted off of the show without even getting a chance to sing his song, and he is never heard from again.

Ramiele: Ramiele tries to usurp Carly's throne as queen of the awful Heart ballads, and it is a mistake from which she will never truly recover. The songs proves too big for a tiny girl like Ramiele, and she is immediately crushed under the weight of it. Paula tells the corpse of Ramiele that she looks really beautiful as a pancake. Then Paula attempts to place an order for pancakes on her microphone. Jason Castro asks for some as well.

Michael: Aussie boy attempts to regain the popularity from when he peaked during Hollywood week by attempting another Queen song. He even grows a gay Freddie Mercury-style mustache just for the occasion. The performance is somewhat awkward, mainly because Johns makes the poor decision of dressing up like a kangaroo with boxing gloves, a move that will soon see him "Waltzing Matilda" all the way home.

Kristy: KKKristy belts this one out with style and flair, and her wardrobe choice of wearing nothing but the US flag in a makeshift diaper adds to the poignancy of this patriotic powerhouse. After this performance, KKKristy is KKKatapulted into front-runner status, and terrorism is defeated the world over! God bless the USA, indeed!

David Archuleta: The Wee One gasps his way through this tune, licking his lips after each word in the song. Unfortunately, one ill-timed lip lick causes him to accidentally bite down on his tongue too hard, leaving him with a permanent speech impediment. Little girls the world over puzzlingly think that this actually enhances his "sex symbol" status, and he goes on to win American Idol. Then Carly dresses him up as a leprechaun. Because she's Irish. And a crazy bitch.

So there you have it, Idol fans! My psychic powers have prevailed once again. It's a gift. I don't question it, I just let its power flow through me.

http://notbaio.wordpress.com

OMFG! I wasn't even planning to watch now that our chile got the boot, but seeing KKK do this song will be the performance of the season. Maybe she'll even shed a tear or two. Guess I'll have to vote the VFTW ticket after all tonight. Damn

^^That's eerie! Thank gods you are using your powers for good!

"Deranged Snollygosters" -- Trickthetrol's rant generator

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